I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
