I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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