There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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