Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
