You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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