I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
