We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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