drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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