She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
