the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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