i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
