My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
