shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Welp...herpes.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
