adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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