i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
They are going to name an STD after you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
