Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
