I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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