Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
be right there i have to get my cape
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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