i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
