I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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