I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
