there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
