about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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