I wish I only lived at night.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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