All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
