I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
