Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
