She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
