At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
