It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
