I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
