smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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