The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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