Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
