what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
