A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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