Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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