Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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