So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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