Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
