Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
