the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
