You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
