"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
