so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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