i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize