He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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