i think my mom watched the whole time
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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