i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
