i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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