We won't sleep together?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
