So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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