UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
