I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
