My cat gives me a boner
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
